Sunday, March 8, 2009

It's March Already??

Wow it's been so long since I've made an entry on here. I can't believe we are in March already. These months keep flying by.

On a sad note, my mom was diagnosed with rectal cancer about 2 weeks ago. It has been extremely tough on the entire family, and her especially. I almost feel like I'm in this horrible dream, and I can't get out. When we found out, I was in shock, we all were. I cried all day for the first few days, but then I realized I need to be strong. I haven't really cried in front of my mom, but I do every night. Or sometimes when I'm driving alone in my car, I just break down. I can't help it. The oncologist is 99.9% sure she's going to be fine and beat this. It didn't spread and they are starting chemo/radiation tomorrow. From here on out, it's only going to get better. She is going to have her good and bad days, and we all need to accept and understand that. Just everyone please keep her in their prayers. She doesn't deserve this, nobody does. I truly believe that in her case, it's God's way of showing her how strong she is. She doesn't give herself enough credit for what she does, and he wants to prove to her that she needs to. She has a great family and group of friends supporting her; we all know she'll be just fine. For some reason, I am just having a very hard time mentally and emotionally dealing with it. I hardly ever talk about it to people and am just keeping it in.

Due to everything, I haven't been running. It's my own fault, but it's just not the same. I was doing so well with my mileage, then it just stopped. I am very disappointed in myself and beat myself up. I feel like I've gained so much weight (which I really haven't) and deep down inside I am not happy. I have been running here and there, but nothing strict. Everything is just so overwhelming I just feel like I can't handle it.

And on another note, I am leaving for the Bahamas next weekend. I'm going with my 2 friends and need this vacation more than anything. I was going to cancel the trip, but mom wouldn't let me. She wants to me to go and enjoy myself. I am looking so forward to this vacation and can't wait!

Well that's about it for now. Only 8 weeks left of the semester thank goodness. I also got accepted into Monmouth University! I'll be going there in the fall and am thrilled!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Nic-
Your family is such an inspiration! I think your feelings on God showing your mom how strong she is and forcing her to slow down and take care of herself a bit is dead on. I've been praying for ya'll every single day and will continue to do so.

Don't sweat the running so much. Its something you can ALWAYS come back to. You still look amazing, but I know how hard it is to not be happy inside. You'll get there. Life has just been rocky as of late. Keep the faith!

Enjoy the bahamas!

Nicole said...

sam- thank you so much! i really appreciate it... i hope that all is well with u <3

Sam said...

Hey Nic, you and your family are constantly in my thoughts.

No stress my friend....running is your friend, it will always be there when u get back!!

(HUGE HUGS)